You know how it goes by now, we get all excited about the Oscars, then we’re disappointed because they’re always a bit crap. So here are Silver Screen Slags alternative Oscars, none of which you are likely to agree with. Enjoy. PS. We’d have Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood hosting these after their clear skill at the iconic 1989 Brit Awards. The winners are highlighted in bright pink, alongside some other deserving nominees. So without question, let’s get cracking with the 2012 Golden Slag Awards
BEST ACTOR
Nominees:
Antonio Banderas (The Skin I Live In)
Dominic Cooper (The Devil’s Double)
Ryan Gosling (Drive)
Michael Fassbender (Shame)
Martin Sheen (The Way)
BEST ACTRESS
Nominees:
Charlotte Gainsbourg (Melancholia)
Jodie Foster (Carnage)
Carey Mulligan (Shame)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Country Strong)
Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Nominees:
Kenneth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn)
Albert Brooks (Drive)
John Hurt (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy)
Christopher Plummer (Beginners)
Stellan Skarsgard (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Nominees:
Dame Judi Dench (My Week With Marilyn)
Christina Hendricks (Drive)
Charlotte Rampling (Melancholia)
Andrea Riseborough (W.E.)
Vanessa Redgrave (Coriolanus)
BEST DIRECTOR
Nominees:
Emilio Estevez (The Way)
Ralph Fiennes (Coriolanus)
Roman Polanski (Carnage)
Nicolas Winding-Refn (Drive)Lars Von Trier (Melancholia)
BEST FILM
Nominees:
Drive
Melancholia
My Week With Marilyn
The Skin I Live In
The Way
GUILTY PLEASURE ACTORRyan Reynolds (The Change-Up/Green Lantern) and
Channing Tatum (Haywire/The Eagle)
GUILTY PLEASURE ACTRESS
Katie Holmes (Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark)
GUILTY PLEASURE FILM
Immortals
ACTOR THAT’S TOO GOOD FOR THIS FRANCHISE
Dame Maggie Smith (The Harry Potter Franchise)
MOST SOUL CRUSHING EXCUSE FOR A FILM
New Years Eve
MOST PRETENTIOUS CINEMATIC EXPERIENCEWe Need To Talk About Kevin 
MOST BLATANT EXCUSE TO SEE NAKED PEOPLE
Shame (Thank you, Steve McQueen)
Immortals is a close second (Dorffgasm)
MOST RIDICULOUS CONCEPTS FOR A FILM
Kill List & Battle: LA
LOOKED A BIT CRAP BUT WAS SURPRISINGLY AMAZINGThe Awakening & Footloose
THE SHOWGIRLS AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE
W.E.
THE ELIZABETH BERKLEY AWARD FOR CONTRIBUTION TO TRASHY CINEMAMadonna
