Prince of Persia: Sands Of Time
In the event of the Pirates of the Caribbean series slipping away from Disney, they sought Jerry Bruckheimer to help create a back up. The end result was the over-long, miscast and forgettable mess. Poor Ben Kingsley looks like he’s stumbled, lost and confused onto the wrong film-set, and the lack of chemistry between Jake Gyllenhaal and Gemma Arterton is painful. The ripped Gyllenhaal isn’t enough to save the movie, but it does make the experience a little easier.
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| One of the few reasons you may watch this. |
Alice in Wonderland
I know everybody loved it, but I just found it to be a mess! I’m not sure if anyone else has noticed but Tim Burton’s been sliding down hill. My advice – ditch Depp! Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood and Sleepy Hollow worked but everything post Charlie and The Chocolate Factory has been a waste of time and talent. It may be set in an extra-ordinary location, but AIW is one of the most ordinary bland films of the year. Mia Wasikowska brings nothing to the roll, and turns it from one of the finest literary characters, to a bland little girl. Meanwhile, Depp steps up the annoyance, as the unlikeable Mad Hatter. However, the two pluses of the film lie in it’s well crafted visuals and British vocal cast – Michael Sheen, Matt Lucas, Sir Christopher Lee, Stephen Fry, Michael Gough and Barbara Windsor being a few.
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| “Oh hello, I’m frightfully boring” |
Shrek Forever After
The Shrek films should have stopped after the poor third effort. The decision of Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jenson, not to directed the third film let the series spiral down in quality. What we are left with is a rehash of the earlier movies and an ever increasing emphasis on PG toilet humour. We certainly hope that Puss in Boots will follow suit of the first two Shrek films.
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| Just watch Shrek 2 |
Shelter
Two of the finest actors working today – the stunning red-head, Julianne Moore and Ireland’s new Richard Harris, Jonathan Rhys Meyers sleep-walk through this repetitive and unoriginal horror thriller. The word horror shouldn’t really apply as there’s nothing remotely shocking about the film. Saying that, I guess thriller doesn’t apply because there’s nothing remotely thrilling about this conventional film. Interesting elements relating to witchcraft and religious cults are rushed in towards the end, and when we eventually see them, it’s the point when you just want the film to end,
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| Julianne: Why did we do this to ourselves, Jonathan? |
Our Family Wedding
Anyone in the mood for some lazy jokes around Latin and African culture, with a clichéd storyline and bland actors? If yes, then Our Family Wedding is the one for you. Here’s a taster, the Latin family obviously have goats running riot at the wedding, and Forest Whitaker’s character leaves his viagra lying in the bathroom. Oh no…
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| “Let’s all be stereotypical! Yay!” |
Death At A Funeral
It’s easier if you just see the British version. Comedy mastermind, Frank Oz (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels & Bowfinger) directs the original, Neil LaBute (Monstrous remake of The Wicker Man) directs the remake. See what I’m getting at?
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| Maybe someone should have given LeBute this treatment |